Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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