Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
