hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
