girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
