Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
