Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize