saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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