I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
