It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
