Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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