So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
