JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
