id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
