I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
