I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
