I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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