My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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