there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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