It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
