well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
