I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
