guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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