If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
