she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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