Need sex. Gaining weight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
