her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
