Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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