I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my shit smells like andre
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Pants are for mortals
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