she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize