I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
