Will you blow on my dice?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
