Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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