is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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