so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
