I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
