End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
