Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
