The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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