What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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