you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
