he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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