Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
did i just pee glitter
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
