So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
