if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize