I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
