u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
