I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
