Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
