Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
