Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
