you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
