I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
