Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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