what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
