I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
