when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
