i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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