so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
