I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
