I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
