Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
