Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How external is "for external use only"?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
