I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
