Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
