I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
