My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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