I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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