If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
