my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
