Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
