how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
