I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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