god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
